Recovery Day 4

SO. I won't be posting every recovery day. I promise. Just the beginning part is where I discover things are different.

Kiernan has been sick with croup, which has been a nightmare for Bryan. If it weren't for the ward (our church group) and friends bringing dinner this week, I don't think we'd be eating at all. However, it seems tonight Kiernan is finally taking a turn for the better as he's acting more like his normal self (as he sneaks in M&Ms that he spilled and we can't find every single one of them).

Today I had a chance to go outside, and I wanted to for two reasons. 1 - I hadn't left the front door since Monday. This is very unusual for me to go more than one day without going outside. I was getting anxious to get outside again. 2 - Kiernan needed to go outside for Bryan's sake. So I took Kiernan outside with me.

The first thing I noticed: Holy lightheadedness. It never went away. So I'm assuming I'll feel like this for awhile. I texted my sister and asked her if that's how it felt for her as well. She said it did. I seriously felt like every time the wind blew, (just a breeze) I could easily fall over. So weird. So I sat down in the shade. Kiernan lasted about 15 minutes outside before he wanted to go back and see "papai" again. I was done being outside too, it was pretty warm :). But that outside experience alone made me realize just how different I feel over all mostly dealing with the lightheadedness. I thought it was just maybe the stuffiness of the house or not getting out, but nope, I really am just that lightheaded.

Before I went outside. I think I spent about five minutes looking for my hearing aids. I wonder when that habit will die. Then I realized I couldn't, because I had just gotten dizzy and remembered even if I could hear with them on, no way they'd go on right now. My ears are still swollen and my head is still sore. So I went outside....man was it quiet. There were two neighbors out there. One lady with her young baby, and a couple out by the bench. Normally I can hear kids out there with my hearing aids on, birds, trees rustling (if it's windy), and Kiernan saying ball, hot, ah ah, no, wheee, or something. Today...Nothing. So bizarre. It hasn't really affected me in a negative way yet, other than that I wish I could help Bryan throughout the night with Kiernan as I know he's not sleeping through the night. It's just....bizarre.

A few people stopped by today to drop of lasagna/soup/home made ice cream. I missed the lasagna person (sorry Becky), and the soup person (sorry Sheila). However, I saw two neighbors who dropped off the ice cream. This was the real test to see if I could understand anyone. I felt for the most part, it wasn't too bad. I definitely had to rely on Bryan though to help me understand that we needed a bigger bowl for the homemade ice cream they made, etc.

I still fear that I talk too quietly or too loudly just because I cannot hear the volume of my voice. That'll just have to wait a few more weeks right?

Oh yeah, nothing looks different from the last pics I posted. Just a swollen face, and the two ears with the white strips. That's it. Hence, no picture updates :)

Recovery Day 3

So not much of an update, just more thoughts and realizations.
The sides of my head, in between my ear and my cheek bones, have started swelling up. It makes me feel like I look sort of like an egg laying on it's side. If I really wanted to exaggerate, I could say I feel like when Drop Dead Fred gets his head stuck in the fridge and pulls it out. Just like in this image:


Yes, an exaggeration, but that's how I feel my face looks right now. And no, I will not take a picture because then you will just tell me that it doesn't look like an egg, and then I'll feel crazy :)

I've been taking it a lot easier today than yesterday. I don't want the swelling to get worse, so I've just been laying down a lot and playing around on the laptop. It's making me crazy that I haven't left the house in three days. I don't even know when the last time that happened was. But I just feel better if I stay down. I haven't had to take any pain meds since this morning, which I think is good. The pressure sore on my forehead is going away (it looks like the mother of all zits, another reason why I won't take a picture :) ).
Despite not being able to actually hear sounds, I've been getting random songs stuck in my head all day (and all of last night as well). Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega, a bunch of techno songs, and zombie my cranberries have all made it to my head today.
There are sounds I've noticed I'm not hearing again: Kiernan crying, the microwave door opening and closing, the beeping of the microwave, Bryan talking (i knew before, it's just become even more prominent now), my voice (I have to keep asking Bryan if I sound different, or if I'm too loud or quiet cause I have no idea what the volume is on my voice), and the water running.
I definitely am not enjoying the ringing in my ears, that has been coming and going, I wish it was going more than it was coming.

Many thanks to the neighbors who have helped us this week. Kiernan's been getting more and more sick of the past couple of days, and poor Bryan has been stuck with taking care of us both. I feel helpless as I cannot pick up Kiernan (not supposed to lift anything more than 25-30 pounds, and he's 32), and take care of him. Definitely makes me grateful for a wonderful and supportive husband.

Recovery Day 2

Today has been a lot better. My chest, stomach and ribs are extremely sore from throwing up so much, but it's completely stopped. I was able to eat some of the food our neighbors had been bringing over to us. My bishop from our church had stopped by as well to see how we were doing. It's nice to be a caring community.
I can get up and walk a bit, and I can sit up for longer periods of time. The sore on my head definitely still hurts, and is probably a pressure sore from the dressing that we took off yesterday.
Things I've noticed from the surgery itself:
I REALLY want to pop my ears, but I am not allowed to do so. It's driving me crazy.
I have to be careful when I cough, and every time I even start to cough I think of the Seinfeld episode where he's amazed at how many muscle you use to cough.
Just to simply lift your head up, it is amazing how many muscles you use to do so.
It really doesn't hurt any more to lay on one side or the other than it does to lay on my back. So I've noticed in my sleep I'm all over the place right now.
I can feel where the implants are (the magnet and computer chip portion). Not with my fingers, but you know how you can feel where a headache is coming on? it's that same kind of sensation.
I truly cannot hear. There were some sounds that I could hear before without my hearing aids that I've noticed i'm not hearing now. The toilet lid slamming down was the first one I noticed. I had just bumped the lid and turned to wash my hands, and found myself just subconsciously waiting to hear the sound of it slam. When I never heard it, I turned around, and saw that the lid was down. That was my first indication that I cannot and will not hear anything right now. Other times have been Kiernan crying nearby, the vacuum going off near by, and my talking. I can still feel myself talking, but now that I can't hear it at all, it's a different feeling. So bizzare.
I am not allowed to lift heavy things, I'm not even supposed to pick Kiernan up. This is difficult as I want to cuddle with him and such, especially since he's been feeling sick :(. I cannot bend over, if I do need to get down, I have to bend at the knees, so I just think about how I should bend when I'm in a dress.
The ringing in my left ear is making me crazy. This is normal, but it's only happening in my left ear, which is actually the ear that would usually ring when I would do sound booth tests. Just an interesting thing.
Other than that, I'm still mostly just laying down and taking it easy. I was thinking of doing some work on Friday, but I don't think I will. Especially now that I found out it's a day off for the state holiday that is on Saturday.
I've asked for a car pool ride to Ogden on Monday as I don't quite trust myself to drive yet, and would rather be safe than sorry.

Recovery Day 1

So Tuesday was the first real day of recovery for me. I was able to get out of bed for moments at a time, and go out to the front room. Usually for only about a half hour at a time. This was when I really noticed the dressing on my head. I was feeling some pains in my forehead, and I was pretty sure that it was from the dressing. I knew we were going to be taking it off later Tuesday night, so I just dealt with it. I had also slept with this dressing, and it was not easy, but I was tired enough to sleep on my back for most of the time, or I slept on the actual dressing (without consciously knowing I was). Here's a picture of me with the dressing on. Bryan wasn't kidding when he said it looked like Princess Leia's hair. I apologize for the picture being sideways, I can't get it to work otherwise.

Excuse the quailty of the picture, it was taken with a cell phone :)
Bryan had wanted to take a picture while I was in the hospital with me like that, but was afraid I would murder him. I wouldn't have actually, as I know people would want to see what it looked like, and people would also understand why I looked like crap. So to get the full effect of yesterday, just imagined my eyes almost closed and my jaw drooping, as I was just that out of it yesterday.
We took the dressing off right after the previous picture. My right ear had almost no blood on the gauze, etc. Which is the one we took off first. My left ear is a different story. Since I have friends that do not like looking at anything gross, there's a link to the pictures. Honestly, it's not that gross, and all you see are white strips with dried blood on it. So there's your warning of what it looks like. You can't see the incision itself, or anything of the sort.
http://picasaweb.google.com/slvrchic83/CochlearImplant#
Along with the big cups that were over my ears, there was gauze underneath them, and then cotton balls in my ear canals. Those were all taken out when I took the cups off.
In the pictures you can also see the purple mark where the surgeon had marked where the surgery would be. They also shaved just a bit of my hair off, not much at all, and Bryan and I are pretty sure they may have shaved off the edges of my eyebrows...weird I know, but we both swear their shorter than they were before.

Implantation Day.

We dropped Kiernan off at a neighbor's place and the drove to the hospital.

This is me right before going in to the surgery.

We got there at 10:10 AM, and within 5 or 10 minutes, we were called back to start the pre-op stuff. I had to change into a hospital gown, hospital pants and slippers. They then did some labs, took my temperature, blood pressure and asked questions (when was the last time I ate, drank, and what surgery was happening today, and by who). I was in that first waiting room for about an hour. I think it in only took so long because they were waiting for someone to be done with an operation that was scheduled before mine. No big deal, I wasn't in a rush, I figured we'd be home around five or six at the latest.

They then get the IV in my arm and have me move over to the gurney. They wheel me to the next pre-op room. In here, the nurse and the anesthesiologist came in and asked questions (separately), and they were basically the same questions as before. Then the surgeon came in and marked where the surgery would be. Then they sent Bryan away and wheeled me into the operating room. It was FREEZING. When I was in the first room and first got on the gurney, I thought it was silly that they put a pre-warmed blanket on me, but now I know why, cause man, that room was cold.

Then they had me scootch over to what felt like was the narrowest possible operating table. It barely fit the width of my body (maybe I just need to lose a LOT of weight?), and my arms couldn't rest on it.

Next they strapped my legs down, wrapped my arms in the blue egg foam pads, and then strapped my arms to my body using the blankets that were on the table and on me. During this time the anesthesiologist is apparently talking to me, and forgetting that I can't hear him, so the nurse kind of motions for me to do what the anesthesiologist is telling me to do (lift up your head, breathe, this will hurt), so it was nice that she took the extra step, cause honestly, I would've just laid there trusting them to do whatever. Finally, the anesthesiologist tells me that I'm going to feel some pain as he puts some meds into my IV, and the nurse is going to hold the oxygen mask over my face. I remember telling the nurse, that they weren't kidding when they said the meds would hurt, and then taking a deep breath. That's all I remember.

The next thing I remember is waking up in a different room, and I had only woken up because I was dry heaving. The nurse or whoever it was in there asked me if I was dry heaving (maybe it was Bryan, because I understood the person, and Bryan may have cued it?), and I was really annoyed that they were asking me that as I was dry heaving. Then I went right back to sleep.

The next time I remember waking up was to throw up again, and this time I was in a different room. I went back to sleep. I woke up three more times after that, briefly, because Bryan was waking up to tell me to breathe deeper because the oxygen monitor was going off. Finally, at about 8:00 PM (I can't believe it was that late), I was awake enough to keep throwing up, and walk myself from the wheelchair to the car. So I got dressed (barely, as I was still having heaves now and then), then the nurse walked me out to the car. Bryan and the nurse must have crossed paths at one point because he wasn't at the car when I got there. I remembered being annoyed, just because the nurse seemed to be in a hurry, and I just wanted to go back to sleep again. Once I got in the car and buckled up, I fell asleep again, and didn't wake up again until we got home. Bryan dropped me off near the front, as there's almost always no parking near our place at this time of night. So I started walking home, and was throwing up the whole way as well, then got home, and laid down, and went back to sleep.

I know I mention a lot of throwing up, but that's seriously all I did for the first 24 hours after the surgery. Finally, by about Tuesday afternoon, the throwing up had eased up quite a bit, and I was able to keep some liquids down fairly well. That was a major improvement.

Pre-op

So, I'm a total nervous wreck right now, yet I feel really good about this simultaneous bilateral cochlear implant surgery right now. I'm not so worried about the surgery itself. Bryan's stressing about the insurance part (understandably), and I'm getting anxiety about not hearing a single sound for four weeks. While this is no big deal to some of my friends, for me, it is. I've had hearing aids since I was 9 months old, and I don't recall a time where I went a whole day without hearing aids. Even when I had an ear infection, I still kept one hearing aid in, so I was still hearing...something. It really is freaking me out a bit :)

I am to be at the hospital in just a little over an hour. My dad came over this morning to give me a blessing with Bryan. That was fun, I love how much Kiernan tries to show off for people when they come over here.

I am definitely thankful for our ward (local church community), they're helping out a LOT for an outpatient surgery, but I'll take what I can get at this point as you never know what may or may not happen.

I spent a good portion of the day after church yesterday watching cochlear implant surgery videos. It really is fascinating.

As for work, I worked it out with my boss/director to be able to take paid vacation time four weeks in a row for the next contract year (which starts next week). My families that will be on my caseload will be covered by substitutes, so that's a relief. I still feel guilty for taking so much time off, but overall, it's just better to do it that way. I also had to say bye to quite a few of my families this week as I'm changing areas for where I'll be providing services. It was hard, I was proud of myself for not tearing up in front of any of the families, but I definitely did tear up in the car as I drove away from each family. It's amazing how much you can come to care about, not only the children, but the families in this job. It definitely makes the job worth it for me.

This is a scattered post, sorry, but it's how my brain has been functioning the past couple of days. I'm scare, excited, nervous, and just anxious to get it over with. I know there have been people, specifically family members, who have been keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, and we really do appreciate that. We know that every single one helps :)

I can't say I'll post as soon as I get home, but I'll post as soon as I feel up to it. :)

Here's to a new chapter in my life.

MRI and Consult

So I had my MRI and surgeon consult today.

Both went well, the MRI took way longer than 30 minutes, and I have no idea why. It was definitely boring. Once in awhile I would feel vibrations and banging, but I heard...nothing. So it was very..relaxing, but boring :) That went well, no problems, they handed us the film and off we went to a different hospital for the surgeon consult.

We go to the surgeon consult, he looks at the film, asks about my history and then takes a look at my ears with a microscope. Declares everything fit for a surgery, even for a bilateral (two cochlear implants). Except for one possible problem....

I might hear too well for the insurance companies. A lot of insurance companies go with the medicaid policies, and medicaid says I can't understand more than 40% with my hearing in the better ear, and right now the better ear consists of...both ears :) With both ears, I can hear 57%. So...if my insurance company (not medicaid) doesn't go by that, then we are good to go.

We then met with the surgery scheduler/insurance know it all person for the office. We asked her some questions, etc. I absolutely love her. She's awesome. But she gave us the codes and such we would need to get specific answers from the insurance company. Meanwhile she'll be submitting an official request, etc. She schedule my surgery for July 19th. I'll have my pre-0p appointment on July 15th.

This is awesome and scary. Bilateral implants are scary. When I have the surgery this means that I will have absolutely no hearing left. The implanst basically replaces my ability to hear naturally, and becomes the bionic hearing. Once I get the surgery it'll take 3-5 days to recover, however, my implants will not be activated for six weeks. That means I'll hear absolutely NOTHING for 6 weeks. This is scary for me, coming from the girl who hated having her hearing aids out as a baby. Yeah, I'm also concerned about how it'll affect my job, etc. I've e-mailed my boss about it, and we'll see how it all works out.

So there you have it. As long as insurance works out, I'll be getting two implants July 19th.

Crazy.