Ponderings

Religion related stuff, if you don't want to read it, don't :)

Sorry if the post seems a bit disjointed, I really just kind of wrote down my train of thought, which usually does not flow well. :)

It seems to me that a recurring theme that has been popping up over the past week for me is fellowshiping/social activity. I brought this up with Bryan yesterday and asked if he had been getting the same thing. He just gave me a "what the heck are you talking about?" look, so I figured maybe it's something that I personally need to work on, as it really stood out to me.

This past weekend we had an enrichment meeting, and I was going to give a thought, but in all the bustle, it just didn't happen (in other words, no one, including me, remembered). It was to be on fellowshipping. I found a GREAT talk by Elder Ballard from the 80s about Fellowshipping. There were two paragraphs I really liked. The first one:

"As disciples of Christ, we need to feel genuine charity for one another. As we do, new light will come into our own lives. This charity is essential in missionary work, but we must never allow ourselves to treat our neighbors only as potential converts. We have had the sad experience of seeing members of the Church who attempted to convert their neighbors and friends and, when they did not respond, withdrew their friendship and neighborliness. We must not be so anxious to share the gospel that we become insensitive to the feelings of others."

This really stood out to me, because I always took fellowshipping as a sense of being a missionary, and always trying to figure out some way to get people to come to church. After reading this, it was nice to know that sometimes just being a friend, friendly person/coworker is part of fellowshipping. However, I do need to work on the part of sharing the gospel with others. I have *NEVER* shared the gospel outside of people that I knew were already members of the church, and active members at that. I have no idea how missionaries do it. Yeah, I know they have the Lord with them, but dang....it still has to be hard!

The other paragraph that really stuck out to me:

"I encourage you to build personal, meaningful relationships with your nonmember friends and acquaintances. Interest in the gospel may come later as a natural extension of a good friendship. Invitations to participate in gospel-related activities often will strengthen relationships with acquaintances. If they are not interested in the gospel, we should show unconditional love through acts of service and kindness, and never imply that we see an acquaintance only as a potential convert. Members must understand that when a nonmember declines one invitation to investigate the gospel, he has not necessarily rejected the gospel."

That last line really stuck out to me. Just because someone doesn't want to hear about it now, doesn't mean they've rejected the gospel. Interesting thought, and one that actually does make sense to me.

Now what do I need to work on? Being social, being brave enough to discuss the gospel with others, members or not, and learning how to share it appropriately (not too much, not too little, etc). I definitely have to work on the being social part before I can do any of the other things. I think I need to to set a personal goal for myself to be more social. I am actually quite content with my life now, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it right. I'm just afraid that if people see that I'm trying to be social, they might think I have a reason behind it. I really don't other than that I realized I need to do this, and I want to know other people. I've always been shy, and I think a lot of it has to do with being scared of saying the wrong thing. I need to get over it, meet new people, and enrich my life and hopefully add a little something to their lives.

I also need to do this for my own son, so that he can learn how to be social and make friends as well. Heaven knows I'll want him to get out and be with friends as he grows!

Naked Ears?

Recently I've had this external ear infection (swimmer's ear), and seeing as how we're in between insurance companies, I can't quite get to the doctor yet. This means that I've been doing OTC stuff and home remedies. Now, I had one last week, my left ear, and left my hearing aid out for a few days. That seemed to work. The pain was completely gone and my ear was no longer swollen. Two days later it comes back, worse than ever. Last night, my other ear started hurting in just the same way. This means...no hearing aids whatsoever for the time being.

I have naked ears. It feels weird to go about my day without having something in my ear. This is natural to me, since I've been wearing hearing aids since I was 9 months old, or a year old, somewhere around there. Then I realize....this is "normal" if you will, to have naked ears. It's normal to feel the wind go in your ear canal. it's normal to have hair fall into your ear area and make it itch. it's normal for it to feel...empty.

I came to this realization about a week ago while I only had my left ear hurting. I had gone through the drive through at Wendy's (yes, Bryan, I bought myself a lunch one day, I'm completely guilty for it). I go through this drive through because I never have a problem with them, and I can see what I ordered on the big screen. I've never had an issue with them. However, this time, as I approached the speaker....I started realizing my naked ear was the closest to the speaker! Shoot! So I get there, and give them my order. Anytime the person would talk, I would turn my head so that I was basically looking backwards, out the window in order to hear what was going on with just my right ear. I hope people didn't think I was too crazy, and I felt so self-conscious about this that as I drove up to the window to pay, I was prepping myself to apologize for not wearing my hearing aid today. I open the window, and the guy acts like everything is normal. I found myself thinking "why isn't he asking me about me not wearing my hearing aid today?" Duh. It's not normal to wear hearing aids! Why WOULD he ask me about my hearing aids? he doesn't know I'm deaf....for some reason I found this a bit...unsettling. That's not quite the right word, but it'll have to do. It just felt weird to know that....I totally looked like a normal person to that guy that day. I looked like a person who didn't have a hearing loss, because, well....I had a a naked ear. And now, today, I have two naked ears. I feel very self-conscious about it.

Not having them in, made me realize how much i do rely on my hearing aids. Ever since Kiernan was born, I've worn my hearing aids 24/7, with the exception of being in the shower. This is not normal, I used to take them out every night before going to bed. Boy ,I miss those days ,but I'm too paranoid to take them out at night now that Kiernan is in his own room. Last night, I had to bring him into our bedroom because I just couldn't handle wearing one hearing aid at all, it hurt too much. It's not just Kiernan though, it's things that fall, hearing if Bryan called my name, hearing him snore to know if he's really asleep (which I never experienced before), hearing how loudly or quietly I talk. That last part, I'm definitely self-conscious about that. I know I have a tendency to talk a lot quieter with my hearing aids out because I'm paranoid about talking too loudly.

I definitely prefer to have my fully clothed ears, and can't wait to put my hearing aids back in again. I don't know how you all deal with naked ears with the empty space, wind blown, hair itching happening in there.

My laugh for the day

I apologize in advance if you have seen this already.

This (click here) video, so funny!
Just in case you need explanation, as it took me awhile to figure out. They're just describing what's happening in the video to the tune of the music, in place of the lyrics. Being deaf, I wasn't sure if the "new lyrics" were an approximate to what as being said or what, but then I figured it out that it was nowhere near to the original lyrics, instead it was describing what was going on in the video :)

Edit: For those of you who are deaf, there's a whole section where there are no lyrics shown. This whole time she's saying she's gotta go to the bathroom, and the guy tells her he'll open the doors for her. Then a whole bunch of stuff happens that I can't understand, then right before she sees the choir boys, she says "hey this isn't the ladies room"

Sorry that was all I could help you out with :)