When you set on accomplishing a major task, and a pretty important one too. Ever feel like you're gonna get it done without a problem, then one day, during preparation for accomplishing said task, you feel like you're the biggest failure around?
I haven't felt this in a very very long time, probably not since my first harp concert 4 years ago. And in that case, I really did suck my performance up, but at least I was in the beginning group where it was somewhat expected, or at least there were no high expectations anyway, and other people were loud enough to cover up my lousy mistakes. I literally had a mental break down after it because of so many other things going on at the same time. I feel like I'm at that point again. I just finished, well 90% finished my teacher work sample (others know it as a portfolio), it was hard to analyze my teaching at some points, and it was just long and took up a lot of itme. I just have to polish it up by having more people edit it, have my teacher look at it make sure I did the write thins, since this is pass or fail. Now, within today until Tuesday, I need to come up with my lesson plans for next week. normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but because of other things I have to do (work this weekend and study for the GRE). It's getting difficult. I also hav eno motivation to do it. I've been pretty much somehwats stressed over my whole winter break, and I just want a break, which I don't think I'll ever get until I'm done with grad school (IF I get in), which won't be ntil summer of 2009. Seems so far away. I just took a diagnostic quiz thing for the GRE last night, and my heart just fell as I was going through it realizing how much I don't know, it was a real blow to the self-esteem and confidence in my intelligence. I always thought I was pretty smart and able to get by, but this test, wow, I suck. After that quiz, I have no motivation to even try and study anymore, I keep telling myself "what's the point? you suck so badon the diagnostics and you're not gonna get any better in a week!"I'm taking it a week from Friday (tomorrow). Just now studying for it, yes, only because I hadn't planned on taking it so soon, and I hadn't planned on applying for grad school until recently. I have to take the GRE by Jan 5th for the scores to sent with my application in time.
It's just really discouraging, and I'm just not sure what to do other than just sit and zone out and stare at a tv screen.
....off to studying I go.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Go Dave!
My brother got into Med School! YAY! I'm VERY excited for him :)
Next stop, me getting accepted into grad school (at the same university :) )
Next stop, me getting accepted into grad school (at the same university :) )
Monday, December 4, 2006
Another real update
Wow, so time flies by so fast when you're working your butt off!
As Bryan posted in his livejournal, I had an interview with the director for a masters program at the University of Utah. I'm hoping to get into the special education masters program with an emphasis in hearing impairment and early childhood education (0-5 years). My dream is to one day have a preschool/kindergarten that allows for several ways of communication rather than an emphasis in just one or only promoting one or two methods out of many options out there. I'm excited about it! The meeting with the director went VERY well. Turns out she knows pretty much who I am as she already knew my mom. She didn't realize who I was because of my married last name :) Once I told her I was a Burrow, she knew exactly who I was and was excited that I wanted to apply for the program. I may be able to get my scholarship to pay for my tuition and books AS WELL as applying for a grant that pretty much is a stipend (books and tuition as well), so that means work would be at a minimal. This is ideal as I would like to go full-time so that I may be able to graduate ASAP (2009). It's just crazy. I'm currently in the process of registering for the GRE and getting accommodations with that, hopefully I will be able to take it in January. We shall see, I don't see why not.
Next, teaching second grade. I seriously cannot express how much I love this job. I love seeing the kids learn, I love seeing them explore many different books, math ideas, I love seeing the light click. I just love it. I can't wait to have my own school and do this with younger kids. It's hard for me to think of teaching any other grade right now, but then again I felt the same way when I was student teaching my Kindergraten classes. Kids are just amazing with what kind of capacity they have for learning!
My teacher work sample is tough to keep on top of. I have lessons to plan everyday, and things change everyday, I change homework assignments mid day half the time, so it's hard to get everything prepared the right way. I am supposed to have my teacher work sample done before Christmas break...yeah, we'll see how that goes :). I hope to finish planning out the assessments and lesson plans by the m iddle of this week so that I can do my pre-assessment Friday and then just teach rocks all of next week and do data collection the week after that. I'me xcited, yet nervous, and stressed abotu getting this done. But one good thing about all of this, it will show proof that my kids actually do learn in my classroom!....at least I hope.... :)
I need to write more often so I can tell what kinds of cool lesson plans I do and fun things we do :).
I'm also trying to keep up with organization stuff. I'm on the CLNA board, and that's been kind of slow lately due to lack of board members that we need to help keep things going, hopefully that will be taken care of this week though! *Crossees fingers* A local state coalition that I'm on is doing well, not too much to keep my busy, so that's nice. The student advisory council isn't bad either.
I can't believe I graduate from BYU at the end of April. I'll be a graduate! Amazing. I'll still be a second grade teacher until school is out,t hen I pack up my things and enjoy the summer and hopefully start grad school in September at my current rival school, the U of U. One super nice thing about that is that I'm actually possibly going to be going to school with...my husband! YAY! How exciting is that? Makes me all giggly inside.
I'm also a relief society teacher for the 2nd sunday of every month for my church. That's fun as well, I'm still trying to get back int he groove of teaching adults though. I like my classees to be very interactive and hands on, so I have yet to figure out a style that satisfies my need of itneraction but yet is reverent and quiet enough for church and much older ladies.
Ah, the bell has rung and my class is coming. Plus the entry is way too long by now :)
Hope all is going well!
As Bryan posted in his livejournal, I had an interview with the director for a masters program at the University of Utah. I'm hoping to get into the special education masters program with an emphasis in hearing impairment and early childhood education (0-5 years). My dream is to one day have a preschool/kindergarten that allows for several ways of communication rather than an emphasis in just one or only promoting one or two methods out of many options out there. I'm excited about it! The meeting with the director went VERY well. Turns out she knows pretty much who I am as she already knew my mom. She didn't realize who I was because of my married last name :) Once I told her I was a Burrow, she knew exactly who I was and was excited that I wanted to apply for the program. I may be able to get my scholarship to pay for my tuition and books AS WELL as applying for a grant that pretty much is a stipend (books and tuition as well), so that means work would be at a minimal. This is ideal as I would like to go full-time so that I may be able to graduate ASAP (2009). It's just crazy. I'm currently in the process of registering for the GRE and getting accommodations with that, hopefully I will be able to take it in January. We shall see, I don't see why not.
Next, teaching second grade. I seriously cannot express how much I love this job. I love seeing the kids learn, I love seeing them explore many different books, math ideas, I love seeing the light click. I just love it. I can't wait to have my own school and do this with younger kids. It's hard for me to think of teaching any other grade right now, but then again I felt the same way when I was student teaching my Kindergraten classes. Kids are just amazing with what kind of capacity they have for learning!
My teacher work sample is tough to keep on top of. I have lessons to plan everyday, and things change everyday, I change homework assignments mid day half the time, so it's hard to get everything prepared the right way. I am supposed to have my teacher work sample done before Christmas break...yeah, we'll see how that goes :). I hope to finish planning out the assessments and lesson plans by the m iddle of this week so that I can do my pre-assessment Friday and then just teach rocks all of next week and do data collection the week after that. I'me xcited, yet nervous, and stressed abotu getting this done. But one good thing about all of this, it will show proof that my kids actually do learn in my classroom!....at least I hope.... :)
I need to write more often so I can tell what kinds of cool lesson plans I do and fun things we do :).
I'm also trying to keep up with organization stuff. I'm on the CLNA board, and that's been kind of slow lately due to lack of board members that we need to help keep things going, hopefully that will be taken care of this week though! *Crossees fingers* A local state coalition that I'm on is doing well, not too much to keep my busy, so that's nice. The student advisory council isn't bad either.
I can't believe I graduate from BYU at the end of April. I'll be a graduate! Amazing. I'll still be a second grade teacher until school is out,t hen I pack up my things and enjoy the summer and hopefully start grad school in September at my current rival school, the U of U. One super nice thing about that is that I'm actually possibly going to be going to school with...my husband! YAY! How exciting is that? Makes me all giggly inside.
I'm also a relief society teacher for the 2nd sunday of every month for my church. That's fun as well, I'm still trying to get back int he groove of teaching adults though. I like my classees to be very interactive and hands on, so I have yet to figure out a style that satisfies my need of itneraction but yet is reverent and quiet enough for church and much older ladies.
Ah, the bell has rung and my class is coming. Plus the entry is way too long by now :)
Hope all is going well!
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