When you set on accomplishing a major task, and a pretty important one too. Ever feel like you're gonna get it done without a problem, then one day, during preparation for accomplishing said task, you feel like you're the biggest failure around?
I haven't felt this in a very very long time, probably not since my first harp concert 4 years ago. And in that case, I really did suck my performance up, but at least I was in the beginning group where it was somewhat expected, or at least there were no high expectations anyway, and other people were loud enough to cover up my lousy mistakes. I literally had a mental break down after it because of so many other things going on at the same time. I feel like I'm at that point again. I just finished, well 90% finished my teacher work sample (others know it as a portfolio), it was hard to analyze my teaching at some points, and it was just long and took up a lot of itme. I just have to polish it up by having more people edit it, have my teacher look at it make sure I did the write thins, since this is pass or fail. Now, within today until Tuesday, I need to come up with my lesson plans for next week. normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but because of other things I have to do (work this weekend and study for the GRE). It's getting difficult. I also hav eno motivation to do it. I've been pretty much somehwats stressed over my whole winter break, and I just want a break, which I don't think I'll ever get until I'm done with grad school (IF I get in), which won't be ntil summer of 2009. Seems so far away. I just took a diagnostic quiz thing for the GRE last night, and my heart just fell as I was going through it realizing how much I don't know, it was a real blow to the self-esteem and confidence in my intelligence. I always thought I was pretty smart and able to get by, but this test, wow, I suck. After that quiz, I have no motivation to even try and study anymore, I keep telling myself "what's the point? you suck so badon the diagnostics and you're not gonna get any better in a week!"I'm taking it a week from Friday (tomorrow). Just now studying for it, yes, only because I hadn't planned on taking it so soon, and I hadn't planned on applying for grad school until recently. I have to take the GRE by Jan 5th for the scores to sent with my application in time.
It's just really discouraging, and I'm just not sure what to do other than just sit and zone out and stare at a tv screen.
....off to studying I go.
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