Well this past week has been exhausting, tiring, busy, and every other tired word you can think of.
This is kind of a long post so put behind a cut
I finished all my finals. I got my solo dance choreographed and I think I did ok on it. I think I got at least a solid C+ in my hard class where I was worried I was gonna flunk, so that's good (can totally relate to chance on this level). I think I did pretty decent this semester, I'm hoping to get my grades by the end of this week.
I also moved to my parent's house as indicated by my previous post (was not an easy thing). Got done moving everything out and cleaing my apartment by midnight thursday night, then i got home at 130 am friday morning, and had to unpack some stuff before going to bed. Then woke up at 530 to unpack more stuff before leaving for the weekend to idaho. Went to bryan's friend stephanie's graduation, that was ok, graduations are dull for me and i'm hoping i can find some way to entertain myself at mine. :)
then bryan and i left to idaho. I had a blast and it was a well needed break despite what some may think it was for me while i was there :) I loved being with friends, as i really don't have anymore now that i'm engaged, moved home and so forth....yeah, not much of a social life anymore, so it was a good comfort knowing that these two are still there for bryan and i (you guys rock).
We had a lot of fun there, friday we ate out and watched 2 or 3 episodes of 24, and mainly just chilled (oh and played apples to apples. way fun!).
Then saturday, Jenny and I went shopping while Bry and Chance were at the temple in Idaho Falls doing a sessin, that was fun, but tiring, we went back and just kinda relaxed, then alter that night we went to a place called riot zone, a buckaroo thing there was fun, especially when i got to see bry and chance on it, wish i had my camera for that! Go-kart racing was fun, I won...of course :). Then the inflatable playgrounds were fun as well, then bry and i did the buckaroo, he claims to have let me win.....but i think i did win, or would have even if he did let me win as i'm a cowgirl at heart :D. we went home and we were all tired and we watched pay it forward (i would really like to own that movie, i love it, seen it three times and cried each time).
Sunday we kidna slept in and went to sacrament, after sacrament we went around and took some pictures of bry and i (will post link in a sec). That wa fun, thugh yu can tell I'm tired, I think my eyes are just half open, heh, but oh well :) and some of those pics I know bry will kill me for posting them, ie, some of the kissing ones *Grins* but i think they're cute. Then after that we played a very brief game of trivial pursuit and bry made dinner for us, then we headed home, and i got home around 130 this morning.
I was ready to just sit down and be home, I needed time to breathe. So I didn't do any work today, but I hav ebeen cleaning and running errands and unpacking more stuff, I think I just have...3 or 4 more boxes to go (compared to the 7 or 8i've already done!). So I should get that done over the next couple of days.
It was nice, I slept in until about 1030, and i slept HARD, I guess my sister woke me up and asked if she could wear one of my shirts, and i told her yes, but i don't really remember that, but oh well, i was just flat out dead. I'm gona head to bed now and get some more sleep in so that i'll feel more ready and fresh to start working and finish unpacking tmrw hopefully.
Overall right now, I'm incredibly happy. I'm engaged, I've got the sumer off from school, I have a job, I got accepted into my program, I have good friends (even if they are few in numbers, they're still the best), I'm with my family, I didn't realize how happy I really was going to be being at home. I think part of it is because I've realized this is the last time I'll ever live at home with my family ever again. But it's been way nice, and it's been great to be around the animals too. *sigh* So happy :) Just need to lose 40 lbs, get a great hairstyle, and a great tan and I'm good to go and perfect with life :)
Anyhow, here are the pics of Bry and I over the weekend :)
http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b267/slvrchic83/Bry%20and%20Em%20Pictures/
Hope everyone is doing well and let me know if you have a favorite picture :D and feel free to laugh at some of them :) I know I did :D
Doing a one man move SUCKS! got up at 630 to help mom with some work (which I did until 230 this morning as well) before she left to go to AZ, then the rest of the move began and cleaning the apartment. I just got back and finished unloading my car and it's now 140 AM....and I have to get up in 4 hours, starting to wonder if it's worth it to go to bed and if i should just start unpacking more stuff, but then i'll wake my siblings up. Perhaps I'll just take a nice long hot bath...yeah that sounds pretty good...
*
happy dance*
I'm done with my finals, and I now know for sure I passed my hardest class, Nutrition with either a C+ or a B-, I was so scared I would end up with a D there, I did many prayers of thanks! I'm so happy to be done with finals now I can focus on work and a billion other things I need to do (don't forget wedding planning too!)
*sad walk*
I now have to start packing up my stuff at my apartment to move back to my parents. This is sad for a couple of reasons. A - I have to move, I hate moving. B - I'm gonna miss having good roommates and the total freedom of living here. C - I will no longer be near my friends. D - I'm going back to a family ward (the singles ward at my parent's place is creepy *shudders*) E - my family is not bad at all, but there are times we have our arguments, and I hate those more than anything, I'm not looking forward to that.
But on the plus side
A - It's a change, I think it's time I had a slight change and different environment. B - I love my sisters to death and that means more GIRLS NIGHT OUT! C - I still have Bryan and I spend most of my free time with him anyway :) and more boating at the lake and doing gardening in the garden! YAY! D - I won't have to worry about creepy guys hitting on me at a family ward! :D and I'll get the ladies to talk about my plans for the wedding for sure, that's always fun :) E - This is the last time I'll truly get to be with my family again, so it's worth all the little fights we have, plus my brother who is in Minnesota is coming back to live with the family as well for the summer, and I can't wait to see him again. F - It means I'm getting closer to being married! G - I'll save myself oodles of money.
So yeah I guess the pros weight out the cons :)
Ok...wow
A guy I dated a couple of years ago, for this sake let's call him Bob. Got married a year ago I think, and it was a civil marriage to a girl who had a son that was already 2 or 3 I believe. All along I've heard rumors that they've been having problems in their marriage and stuff, but as you know, rumors get exaggerated and so forth, and I didn't pay any attention to it. Well, today Bob messaged me asking if he could talk to me in person, (in a public place of course), and I told him with that I might not be around tonight, but it depended on when a certain person got back to me about work. So he just started going off in the message, saying he thinks he's about to have a divorce with his wife, they've been separated three times thus far, right now is the third time, and they were separated on Thursday. Right before that he got so angry I guess he says he lost control and hit his wife causing a bloody nose and split lip. He doesn't know what to do...so what am I supposed to do? He's begging her for one more chance, and she says that he's given her many chances (I believe that if they've been separated a few times). He's deaf, and he hasn't had a very good life growing up. He lives off of SSI, which if anyone knows anything about it, is not nearly enough to support a family. He doesn't go to school or work. He's contacted a counselor at BYU, but there is no interpreter available since school is out is what the director said at the counselor department. he says he realizes he's selfish and needs to get his butt in gear by getting a job and finishing up school. What am I supposed to say to this?
If anyone has a California or Minnesota state quarter....I can give you two quarters in exchange for them or something like that! :D I just wanna keep this collection going, I'm amazed that I've been able to collect the 30 states I have now, just 20 more to go! :)
Life is good, made some realizations tonight, and realized I wasn't really looking at how truly belssed I am. I wasn't counting my blessings....now that I've counted a few, life is better :)
I hate struggling in life at times when it's a situation I can't handle. I want to get rid of contention I have towards some people, and I want contention that I see some people have for others. it bothers me a lot. I just read this in Stand a Little Taller:
"Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord. - Leviticus 19:18
We speak of the fellowship of the Saints. This is and must be a very real thing. We must never permit this spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood to weaken. We must constantly cultivate it. Simply put, we must be friends. We must love and honor and respect and assist one another. Wherever Latter-Day Saints go, they are made welcome, because Latter-Day Saints are mutual believers in the divinity of the Lord Jesus Christ and engaged together in His great cause. We are one great family, eleven million strong."
That alone tells me I have a lot of work to do, take the previous entry, and this one, and plus many other flaws I may have....sometimes I wonder if I'll ever make it anywhere in life.
In good news, I just watched Practical Magic with my roommates, they had just started watching it as soon as I get back from hanging out with Bryan. It was good, I forgot how much I love that movie, anyone who dares to watch it with me is awesome :)
sometimes I hate having to face that I do have insecurities, especially when I need to do something about them. I decided to do some looking on lds.org, here's what I found by Elder Neal A Maxwell (1976, old I know, but good stuff) behind a cut for length
I especially like numbers 8, 9, 13 and 14
"What can we do to manage these vexing feelings of inadequacy? Here are but a few suggestions:
1. We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon.
2. We can contemplate how far we have already come in the climb along the pathway to perfection; it is usually much farther than we acknowledge. True, we are “unprofitable servants,” but partly because when “we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10), with every ounce of such obedience comes a bushel of blessings.
3. We can accept help as well as gladly give it. Happily, General Naaman received honest but helpful feedback, not from fellow generals, but from his orderlies. (See 2 Kgs. 5:1–14.) In the economy of heaven, God does not send thunder if a still, small voice is enough, or a prophet if a priest can do the job.
4. We can allow for the agency of others (including our children) before we assess our adequacy. Often our deliberate best is less effectual because of someone else’s worst.
5. We can write down, and act upon, more of those accumulating resolutions for self-improvement that we so often leave, unrecovered, at the edge of sleep.
6. We can admit that if we were to die today, we would be genuinely and deeply missed. Perhaps parliaments would not praise us, but no human circle is so small that it does not touch another, and another.
7. We can put our hand to the plow, looking neither back nor around, comparatively. Our gifts and opportunities differ; some are more visible and impactful. The historian Moroni felt inadequate as a writer beside the mighty Mahonri Moriancumer, who wrote overpoweringly. We all have at least one gift and an open invitation to seek “earnestly the best gifts.” (D&C 46:8.)
8. We can make quiet but more honest inventories of our strengths, since, in this connection, most of us are dishonest bookkeepers and need confirming “outside auditors.” He who was thrust down in the first estate delights to have us put ourselves down. Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven. We should, of course, learn from our mistakes, but without forever studying the instant replays as if these were the game of life itself.
9. We can add to each other’s storehouse of self-esteem by giving deserved, specific commendation more often, remembering, too, that those who are breathless from going the second mile need deserved praise just as the fallen need to be lifted up.
10. We can also keep moving. Only the Lord can compare crosses, but all crosses are easier to carry when we keep moving. Men finally climbed Mount Everest, not by standing at its base in consuming awe, but by shouldering their packs and by placing one foot in front of another. Feet are made to move forward—not backward!
11. We can know that when we have truly given what we have, it is like paying a full tithe; it is, in that respect, all that was asked. The widow who cast in her two mites was neither self-conscious nor searching for mortal approval.
12. We can allow for the reality that God is more concerned with growth than with geography. Thus, those who marched in Zion’s Camp were not exploring the Missouri countryside but their own possibilities.
13. We can learn that at the center of our agency is our freedom to form a healthy attitude toward whatever circumstances we are placed in! Those, for instance, who stretch themselves in service—though laced with limiting diseases—are often the healthiest among us! The Spirit can drive the flesh beyond where the body first agrees to go!
14. Finally, we can accept this stunning, irrevocable truth: Our Lord can lift us from deep despair and cradle us midst any care. We cannot tell Him anything about aloneness or nearness!
Yes, brothers and sisters, this is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage, and our personal progress should be yet another way we witness to the wonder of it all!
True, there are no instant Christians, but there are constant Christians!"
There ya have it. Just something I've been struggling with lately as in what am I really worth type of thing, am I worthy of the people around me....blah blah that kind of stuff, I won't bore you with it :) Hope everyone is doing well!
And good luck and congratulations to my friend Becky as she leaves (today?) to go to Indiana to finish preparing her wedding and get married on May 6th! YAY!
Well ok it's not that late, but feeling sick, it feels really late, it's midnight right now. My family had just finished watching The Forgotten, with the alternate ending. I didn't realize they were watching it with the alternate ending and I had seen the Forgotten in the theaters. It had been awhile since I had seen it, so I thought my memory was just confused, then at the end, my sister went to see the original ending, then I realized that I wasn't crazy and forgetting like all those in the movie. I just found it somewhat ironic, and probably only find it funny right now since it's late and I'm tired.
Right now my dad is watching 007, Moonraker. I think this is the 007 with....Roger Moore...is that the right name? I think it is, anyway, it cracks me up with how they have all this "new" technology and everything. One thing that I never liked about 007, is how women just are so easy in the movies, makes me sick, i thought playing hard to get a was sexy! maybe it wasn't then, but still how easy it is, makes me crazy. Makes me glad I'm not easy, or at least I don't think I am anyway......I'll just stick with that I'm not. :)
Was listening to Phantom of the Opera soundtrack today. I saw the movie, it was awesome, I would love to own it on DVD, I had no desire to ever see Phantom of the Opera as it was something that everyone loved, so I thought it would be a "trendy" thing to do to go see it, but lo and behold, I loved it (I saw it cause it was open captioned in the theater, and not many movies are, so my sisters and I went to go see it). I love it, and it just makes me wish I could sing, I can't wait until when I'm in heaven and I can sing (well ok, I can wait I guess :) ), but still that's something that I'm really excited about!
Time for bed *yawn* night!
I noticed today that the flag at BYU was at half-staff today. It is in honor of the pope, who just recently died. I thought that was awesome that our university/religion has enough respect for another religion and recognizes the great things that the man has done as a leader. I just thought it was really cool.
Life in general is great. Today though, was a sucky day. I woke up feeling incredibly sick, so I went back to bed until about 1130. Was still feeling sick, almost skipped dance, then I had remembered today was a full class day for our dance groups to work together. For our final, we are, as groups or soloists (I was in a group), to choreograph our own dances to our choice of music for our final evaluation. I decided to do group, partly because I've done solos all my life with baton, maybe 4 or 5 dances was with a team in baton, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Well I should have taken it as a sign the first day we were deciding to be groups or soloists, pretty much everyone got into their own groups right when the teacher said to get into groups. I was the last one left....so yeah, that wasn't a good feeling, but decided to just shout out and see if anyone wanted/needed/wouldn't mind another person in the group. I swear what felt like 5 full minutes went by, it was silent until finally one group had said I guess we can use another person (yes in those words). So yeah, I just shurgged it off. (background information, a lot of students in my class are nervous about testing with me, we have to test in pairs, because I'm deaf and they know I can't hear all of the music. Funny thing is, every single evaluation my highest marks are on musicality, meaining keeping with the beat and the music). So, we get in groups, we are given the rest of class to figure out music. Well my group had decided to blend in two songs together that in my opinion don't match in the first place, but they all seemed to really want to do it, so I figured hey, I'll just go with it, 3 against one, yeah, better to go with it then seem like the whiny wench. So, we try to meet together again in the next class time, the girl who is supposed to put the music together before this class time didn't, so we aksed her to do it by this class time, and she still didn't. So we still had no music, we couldn't do a whole lot without it since it's a blend of two songs....we don't know where the girl was gonna end one and start the other. A little frustrating. There was four of us, one girl left and decided to do solo after that. We have yet another class time to meet, same girl who is to do the music doesn't show up, but sends the music with her friend, and the other girl in the group feels we can't do anything without the first girl, so wants to get together to practice after class later that week. I agree, we meet after class, turns out, both of them decided they couldn't do it after all, and want to meet after class LATER on in the week, I say sure, I'll change my schedule around, no problem. Lo and behold, they decide not to do it. We had yet another class time to figure something out, but the two girls felt we needed to listen to music or something, I can't rmbr what happened, so we agree to meet again after class on Friday, I am to reserve a room, so I did. We have class Friday, then after class, one girl decides she wants to eat lunch with some friends, so asked if we could meet later. Before I said anything, the other girl said yes, but needed to meet around 5 or something like that I can't remember. They agree, so thus...I'm stuck, and I'm kinda miffed that i had to go through the trouble of reserving a room and so forth and it ends up not being used, makes me look like a flake to the building, but oh well. So music girl and i show up, the other girl didn't show up, called music girl and said she had to finish soething up and she would be on her way, well....a whole hour and a half later, she never shows up, yes I actually waited that long while music girl went and did some stuff at home and was waiting for a phone call from me just in case the other girl showed up. needless to say I'm extremely frustrated. Today, Thursday, we have all class period to work on it again, the first thing the two girls say is, do you think we could meet Saturday morning to practice, almost ready to scream here, we have to perform in less than two weeks, and we have not gotten a single ddance move planned, we've had THREE weeks to do this, and I've been trying to do my part. But lo and behold, one girl says that we should try and do some work during class (gee I wonder why that would be so convenient!) So we start working on it...we end up just only decideding who will do their solo parts here....that's it, no dance moves, nothing. Music girl leaves, other girl is still there, though I didn't know it. Teacher sees i'm frustrated and asks how everything is going, I break down crying cause I'm so sick of trying to make this work but it's not working, and explain to her what happens, in the end we both decide it'll be better for me to go solo. So that's what i'm doing. But i feel bad at the same time as I'm leaving the group when we have just under two weeks to get the dance done and everything, but I tried my best and did my part, and I've made no prgoress thus far, so I'm going to do it on my own, at least this way i'll make some actual progress.
sigh end vent here. :)
Other than that, life isg reat! :D
