Ponderings

Religion related stuff, if you don't want to read it, don't :)

Sorry if the post seems a bit disjointed, I really just kind of wrote down my train of thought, which usually does not flow well. :)

It seems to me that a recurring theme that has been popping up over the past week for me is fellowshiping/social activity. I brought this up with Bryan yesterday and asked if he had been getting the same thing. He just gave me a "what the heck are you talking about?" look, so I figured maybe it's something that I personally need to work on, as it really stood out to me.

This past weekend we had an enrichment meeting, and I was going to give a thought, but in all the bustle, it just didn't happen (in other words, no one, including me, remembered). It was to be on fellowshipping. I found a GREAT talk by Elder Ballard from the 80s about Fellowshipping. There were two paragraphs I really liked. The first one:

"As disciples of Christ, we need to feel genuine charity for one another. As we do, new light will come into our own lives. This charity is essential in missionary work, but we must never allow ourselves to treat our neighbors only as potential converts. We have had the sad experience of seeing members of the Church who attempted to convert their neighbors and friends and, when they did not respond, withdrew their friendship and neighborliness. We must not be so anxious to share the gospel that we become insensitive to the feelings of others."

This really stood out to me, because I always took fellowshipping as a sense of being a missionary, and always trying to figure out some way to get people to come to church. After reading this, it was nice to know that sometimes just being a friend, friendly person/coworker is part of fellowshipping. However, I do need to work on the part of sharing the gospel with others. I have *NEVER* shared the gospel outside of people that I knew were already members of the church, and active members at that. I have no idea how missionaries do it. Yeah, I know they have the Lord with them, but dang....it still has to be hard!

The other paragraph that really stuck out to me:

"I encourage you to build personal, meaningful relationships with your nonmember friends and acquaintances. Interest in the gospel may come later as a natural extension of a good friendship. Invitations to participate in gospel-related activities often will strengthen relationships with acquaintances. If they are not interested in the gospel, we should show unconditional love through acts of service and kindness, and never imply that we see an acquaintance only as a potential convert. Members must understand that when a nonmember declines one invitation to investigate the gospel, he has not necessarily rejected the gospel."

That last line really stuck out to me. Just because someone doesn't want to hear about it now, doesn't mean they've rejected the gospel. Interesting thought, and one that actually does make sense to me.

Now what do I need to work on? Being social, being brave enough to discuss the gospel with others, members or not, and learning how to share it appropriately (not too much, not too little, etc). I definitely have to work on the being social part before I can do any of the other things. I think I need to to set a personal goal for myself to be more social. I am actually quite content with my life now, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it right. I'm just afraid that if people see that I'm trying to be social, they might think I have a reason behind it. I really don't other than that I realized I need to do this, and I want to know other people. I've always been shy, and I think a lot of it has to do with being scared of saying the wrong thing. I need to get over it, meet new people, and enrich my life and hopefully add a little something to their lives.

I also need to do this for my own son, so that he can learn how to be social and make friends as well. Heaven knows I'll want him to get out and be with friends as he grows!

Naked Ears?

Recently I've had this external ear infection (swimmer's ear), and seeing as how we're in between insurance companies, I can't quite get to the doctor yet. This means that I've been doing OTC stuff and home remedies. Now, I had one last week, my left ear, and left my hearing aid out for a few days. That seemed to work. The pain was completely gone and my ear was no longer swollen. Two days later it comes back, worse than ever. Last night, my other ear started hurting in just the same way. This means...no hearing aids whatsoever for the time being.

I have naked ears. It feels weird to go about my day without having something in my ear. This is natural to me, since I've been wearing hearing aids since I was 9 months old, or a year old, somewhere around there. Then I realize....this is "normal" if you will, to have naked ears. It's normal to feel the wind go in your ear canal. it's normal to have hair fall into your ear area and make it itch. it's normal for it to feel...empty.

I came to this realization about a week ago while I only had my left ear hurting. I had gone through the drive through at Wendy's (yes, Bryan, I bought myself a lunch one day, I'm completely guilty for it). I go through this drive through because I never have a problem with them, and I can see what I ordered on the big screen. I've never had an issue with them. However, this time, as I approached the speaker....I started realizing my naked ear was the closest to the speaker! Shoot! So I get there, and give them my order. Anytime the person would talk, I would turn my head so that I was basically looking backwards, out the window in order to hear what was going on with just my right ear. I hope people didn't think I was too crazy, and I felt so self-conscious about this that as I drove up to the window to pay, I was prepping myself to apologize for not wearing my hearing aid today. I open the window, and the guy acts like everything is normal. I found myself thinking "why isn't he asking me about me not wearing my hearing aid today?" Duh. It's not normal to wear hearing aids! Why WOULD he ask me about my hearing aids? he doesn't know I'm deaf....for some reason I found this a bit...unsettling. That's not quite the right word, but it'll have to do. It just felt weird to know that....I totally looked like a normal person to that guy that day. I looked like a person who didn't have a hearing loss, because, well....I had a a naked ear. And now, today, I have two naked ears. I feel very self-conscious about it.

Not having them in, made me realize how much i do rely on my hearing aids. Ever since Kiernan was born, I've worn my hearing aids 24/7, with the exception of being in the shower. This is not normal, I used to take them out every night before going to bed. Boy ,I miss those days ,but I'm too paranoid to take them out at night now that Kiernan is in his own room. Last night, I had to bring him into our bedroom because I just couldn't handle wearing one hearing aid at all, it hurt too much. It's not just Kiernan though, it's things that fall, hearing if Bryan called my name, hearing him snore to know if he's really asleep (which I never experienced before), hearing how loudly or quietly I talk. That last part, I'm definitely self-conscious about that. I know I have a tendency to talk a lot quieter with my hearing aids out because I'm paranoid about talking too loudly.

I definitely prefer to have my fully clothed ears, and can't wait to put my hearing aids back in again. I don't know how you all deal with naked ears with the empty space, wind blown, hair itching happening in there.

My laugh for the day

I apologize in advance if you have seen this already.

This (click here) video, so funny!
Just in case you need explanation, as it took me awhile to figure out. They're just describing what's happening in the video to the tune of the music, in place of the lyrics. Being deaf, I wasn't sure if the "new lyrics" were an approximate to what as being said or what, but then I figured it out that it was nowhere near to the original lyrics, instead it was describing what was going on in the video :)

Edit: For those of you who are deaf, there's a whole section where there are no lyrics shown. This whole time she's saying she's gotta go to the bathroom, and the guy tells her he'll open the doors for her. Then a whole bunch of stuff happens that I can't understand, then right before she sees the choir boys, she says "hey this isn't the ladies room"

Sorry that was all I could help you out with :)

Klutz much?

Boy, no wonder why I provide Bryan with some laughs.

Two days ago was not...the best day :). In class I had managed to get my pinky pinched into the three ring binder, during the lecture part, so I had to bite my lip and tongue to keep from yelling out. I now have a cut, and a blood blister from it. Ouch. I then proceeded to leave my phone in my friend's car, and accidentally left my keys in the lock of our mail box. No wonder I couldn't find them in my bag when I got home, at least Bryan was home.

Yesterday, kinda hectic.
First off, the parking lot was closed, so I had to park forever and a day away (not really, but just go with me here folks), and I'm not adjusted to the heat yet. Plus...carrying Kiernan around is not an easy task (he's 21 lbs!). Anyway, I went out to the car, went to a meeting at work, that was ok, took awhile to get it started, but glad I went so I could get some things checked off my to do list. Then went to the bookstore to pick up something for Bryan. Kiernan had just fallen asleep in the car seat, and I wanted him to keep sleeping, so I took the car seat with me...SO FREAKING HEAVY. Anyway, I go in and ask if there's an elevator to the book store. THere's not, only employees can use it. I swear, I'm not lazy, Kiernan is just really heavy! Go up the stairs, and I ask the guy for a clicker (that's what bryan told me to ask for) He looks at me like I'm nuts. Then Gets to the computer, and mumbles like crazy, fills out a form and points to two spots before I can even get a word in. SO I just assume what he said, and asked if the clickers were out, and I needed to fill out the two portions, and if he would call. He looked at me like I was stupid, well, it's not my fault if you mumble every word you say. Sheesh! So got there for...nothing :)
Went to the store, Kiernan spit up TWICE while at the store...lovely (meaning it spilled to the floor...) :) I forgot to bring a check I wanted to use, lovely. Went home, realized grocery shopping was a BAD idea...still had to park aways away. Made three trips, on two of the trips, the bags ripped open, the plastic bags that is. And cans fell out, while I'm carrying Kiernan. I say plastic, because I had forgotten our fabric ones, which were sitting right next to the door, so of course, I tripped over it, but saved myself and didn't drop Kiernan. WHEW!
I then realized I left my phone at work, and had to go back and get it, lug Kiernan back out, go to far away parking place, and go there, get it, and come back. As soon as I get back, my ear starts hurting. Lovely, swimmer's ear! YAY! I took Kiernan with me to water the garden, and somehow managed to splash mud onto his face, fortunately he didn't mind too much :)
Then this morning. Bryan needed a ride to class as was using as much time to study as possible. So I went to get the car while he was getting ready, and took Kiernan with me. I quickly slipped flip flops on and start rushing out the door. I get to about halfway to the car, before I started thinking "my left flip flop feels funny! Maybe it's coming apart...it shouldn't it's new..." You would think I would've looked down after thinking that, but nooo.. after a few more steps I looked down and see one blue flip flop (mine) and one black flip flop (Bryan's). Just as I turn around, Bryan's coming out the door holding my flip flop in the air looking for me. Man...I busted up laughing, it was SO freaking funny.


No wonder Bryan married me :)

I'm a monster, are you?

So summer semester has begun, and I'm already tired. But that's not what I wanted to blog about.

Since I am in an education major, almost every class I take there's some kind of "get to know your classmates activity." I can't tell you how much I hate these. I KNOW people panic when they're "forced" to interact with me after they see that I'm the one who has a transliterator (similar to an interpreter, but for cued speech, they're called transliterators). I can just see the wheels turning in their head and their eyes starting to widen, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Anyway, we had to do a meet and greet activity. We had two minutes to interact with someone we did not know, and for me, that meant ANYONE in my class. These girls are all elementary education majors, and getting their bachelor's. There's only two of us getting a master's, and I'm one of them. I'm also the only one in the SPED major. This means that pretty much everyone knows everyone...but me. The first girl was pretty cool about it, she's just as anti-social as I am, it was great :) The next guy....he's doing an intern, and isn't in a major anything, just doing this class for professional development. He's a SPED teacher....and well, talking with him is interesting because he doesn't finish his sentences, but he's a nice guy. Third girl...this is the typical response I get in these activities, and it always seems to get to me a little. Here's how it goes (please note this is a memory, so not everything may be said exactly the way it did happen, but it's a close approximate):

I spot a girl, make eye contact with her, and start walking towards her.
Girl looks around, realizing...too late, she's stuck with me walking towards her.
Girl twiddles thumb, looks down, looks up at me and gives a *HUGE* smile...a polite one if you will.
Girl sees transliterator following me.
I see small twitch in girl's expression.
Me - "Hi, my name is Emilie, what's yours?"
Girl - "Oh good! So you CAN speak and you CAN hear some."
I just stare at her.
Girl - "you can hear me right?"
Me - "No, there's too much background noise going on, and I really don't have that much hearing. That's what my transliterators are here for, to help me out :)"
Girl - "oh...well, you speak very well, and that's not ASL is it?"

Then the conversation leads into cued speech for the next minute or two, and we sit down.

I swear, I am NOT a monster. Even if I couldn't speak or hear, I'd still be able to successfully interact with you. I just hate knowing that I'm "imposing" on to another person's comfort zone because they know I have a disability, and aren't totally sure what to do. I admit, when I see someone in a wheelchair, it kind of freaks me out. I go through the whole "I hope I don't say anything offensive, I hope I don't make them hate me, I hope my legs are ugly today so they can say 'I'm glad I don't have HER legs'".

Then I have to remember the thought process I go through when people are meeting me. "Here we go, I'm sure she/he's nice. Let's see if they can get past the fact that I'm deaf." That's usually it, I then go on to "judge" you like any other normal person would.

So believe me, I don't notice whether your ears are ugly or not. I just see you as a person, just as I hope you can see me as a person.

Six months

That's right, he's six months! He turned six months on Wednesday, the 20th. Crazy!
Kiernan had has six month check up yesterday and the stats are:
20 1/2 lbs (90th percentile)
28 1/2 inches (95th percentile)
and his head circumference is the 90th percentile as well, though I don't remember what the number is.

A couple of pics :)

He was really interested in what I was doing and wanted to eat the camera.

From 6-7 months

I think this picture shows just how big his lips are

From 6-7 months

Our very big boy!

From 6-7 months

A rare photo where I'm in it as well

From 6-7 months

Oy vey

I'm almost at my wit's end, anyone got any baby sleeping books for me to read?