earwigs

 it's all girls here tonight since dad is at work and michael is on a camp out and brent hasn't come home yet, maybe tmrw. We went to dairy keen for dinner, got shakes, and rented 4 movies. We only watched one tonight of course, the others people can watch with us, but we had to get an ultimate chick flick: "Message In A Bottle". Makes me cry every time I see it, I confess! we just finished watching it, and it was a nice break from having to try so hard to find everything for work. 
While watching the movie we had all the lights off. My mom gets up to go somewhere and turns the light on. Bryan you remember all those earwigs on the porch the other night? well yeah, about half of those were in the frontroom/entry way. EWEWEWEWEWEW my sister immediately went and got the hand vacuum and I swear we sucked up at least 20 of them. Sissy, our puppy/dog, helped by eating a few. It was just gross and UGH gross! There were some on the wall, and I hadn't seen any in the basement recently, so we all immediately went down to the basement since we're all wide awake (well 3 of us anyway, one sister conked out since she HATES chick flicks), to do more work and stuff. As soon as I sit down..an earwig crawled out of under my keyboard. SO FREAKING GROSS. I have the heebie bajeebies. bleh. We can't afford to have a professional come and get them cause of some recent financial/car troubles. I just hope they will go away! ew

Edit: (45 minutes later)
so yeah, i complained about ONE earwig under my keyboard, after i moved my backpack and a couple of boxes, i went on a killing rampage with the ever handy fly swatter. I lost count of how many i killed at 45. GROSS. Yes i did count them, it reminded me of Legolas and Gimli in LOTR, geeky I know, but hey it's 130 AM

Teacher

I have decided that my mind/body knew that me being a teacher for a career would be the best thing for me without me realizing some of the reasons why. 
A - I love kids, absoloutely love them. I'm still trying to get over my shyness with kids, part of it is due to the fact that I can't hear them that well cause of my hearing loss, but I still love them nonetheless. 
B - I get to use creativity, my usage of creativity has been dulled out over the past few years, and I need to use it again, and I like trying to figure out how to make things fun but purposeful at the same time
C - THIS is the realization I just made now. Being a teacher, I can move around and interact and so forth. I get so restless doing a computer desk job nowadays. I never had a major problem before, but over the past year, it's been really really hard for me to just sit down at a computer and work for a job. I get bored so fast and so easily. 
D - I think the learning process of kids (I want to be a preschool teacher) is just amazing. How much they are capable of learning at that age just blows me away every time I study it. Just amazing. 
So yes, I am going to be a teacher, just the process of getting there that takes work! :)

Wedding

Bad news (i always like to end on a good note if possible): I gained 5 pounds since Thursday due to lots of eating over the weekend. i had been really good about not snacking in between meals and going to the gym everyday Mon-Fri. Snacking was beyond out of control this past weekend, and I didn't go to the gym yesterday, I thought just maybe I could count boating since tubing takes a lot of energy to get on and hold on when you're laying on your stomach and are only holding on to two handles with your hands, using your arm strength to keep you on, but alas, it was not so. So that's a major bummer, as I was about to hit my 10 lb loss. :(
Good news: I got to meet with my best friend from hs today. It was great catching up, course I had a motive too, but it finally got her to have a lunch with me :) Her sister has her own floral business, and I've seen her work and I absoloutely love her work, I mean LOVE it, so I met with her after Ren and I had some lunch (chatted for an hour and a half), then went to her sister's to talk about flowers. With all 7 men's boutoniers, 4 bridesmaid bouquets, 2 mother's corsages, and my great big (it's gonna be huge!!!!) bouquet, it's 305 with tax. GREAT price (yes that does include roses in all of the bouquets!)! I am so excited. Course with how I want the cake, it'll hvae a lot of roses on it, and roses aren't cheap, so it'll be another 150 for the roses on the cake, but still 460ish all in all? holy crap so nice! YAY! Now I'm just looking into how much it would cost to rent stuff and decorate the cultural hall of a stake center compared to getting a reception center. And now that we have the colors all set, and generally have a good idea of what we want the bridesmaids to wear and pretty much know what we want the groomsmen to wear, things are starting to feel better. And the budget management is looking better as I go along. Just need to either find a great but cheap reception center (VERY hard to find)/rentals that will make a cultural hall feel like a real reception, music and food. I know what I want for center pieces and table clothes. Just gotta run it through to make sure it works for everyone and see if i can find the glass boxes I want somewhere first for a good price. Even have an idea of how I want the table to be set up for the guest book signing in...I'm just getting more and more excited about this, and most of these decisions have been mine and bry's ideas rather than moms butting in, so it's way nice *knocks on wood* :) 
This fourth of july weekend was awesome. Saw Bryan Thursday. Went boating Saturday, went on a fun date/dinner with bry that night, Sunday was with my family and Bry, Monday was boating (Bry came along YAY!), and just hanging out and relaxing with Bry afterwards and saw the fireworks here in town, which weren't actually half bad. I always forget that my town does pretty decent fireworks for how small we are. I got to see him 4 days in one week time, that was awesome. :) Won't have that again for awhile though, but hey only....3 months and 2 days until the wedding (which is also 94 days left, but who's counting? ;) ). 
I'm just happy, and it's been nice to be happy for a long period of time :)

vent

Tired of being me. 


I'm having one of those I suck horribly days. I've already managed to piss off someone extremely close to me this morning before 10 AM. 
I've found out also that all the work I've been doing for my parents, well, it's wrong. The other company just decided to change the format of what I'm working on, again, so now I have to start all over....that's 308 files I have to reformat now. 
I also managed to miss something about my payment, it went through earlier than it was supposed to (online bill pay), and I haven't been paid yet. 
I've also had a couple of guys that I dated once before basically tell me I was a jerk, then I decided to venture on to ircle out of complete and utter boredom yesterday, and ran into somebody that hates my guts for something that happened 6 years ago, sad thing? I still strongly dislike her for what she said to me. 
This week has also been a harsh realization of how insecure i really am, and i'm hating myself for it, which has led me to think if i ever ask for too much, and before I never thought I did, but now, maybe I do, and for some odd reason it's really crushing me inside that I might be asking for too much. I also hate that I do have a tendency to do things just to please people, but then when I go and try to do something to please myself or do something for me or want something for me, it backfries or gets in someone's way somehow, or gets a negative reaction from those around me. Every time I'm completely honest about how I feel, there's an argument. 
I want to be 19 again, when I was truly happy for just a couple of months. You know when those couple of months were Bryan, if you don't, then you'll know by reading my xanga. Where did I go wrong? and don't worry, you're the only one who can read this. I figured, the e-mails have got to stop, but I need to let you know how I'm doing, the e-mails are annoying you, at least this way, you can just read this when you actually have time instead of having to go through a bunch of e-mails interrupting you at work or something like that. It's the best way I could think of to get what I needed to talk about off my chest without getting too much in your way. I'm sorry i got you mad, I'm sorry i made you even more mad this morning. I'm sorry. 

engagement

having a conversation with a friend of mine who just got engaged, getting married In august. he's been engaged for...a month i think or less. this is what he had to say:

"I hate engagements. I hate the idea of them. It's beyond me that we allow Satan months to use his 6,000+ years of experience. It's like..."hey satan...here's your chance to really screw things up. Give it your best shot!" It's so not worth it for some damn receptions. Sigh.... but anyway....I can definitely tell you that there's gonna be major fireworks on your honeymoon. I mean...6 months of waiting? FIREWORKS, I tell you!"

It made me laugh :) and make me think that I really am crazy.

Wedding planning

I sit here and I look at this "countdown to a perfect wedding" thing, where basically it gives a break down of how far in advanced you should do everything, etc. I want to cry with how much there is to plan. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, very excited, but I hate the idea of how much it may cost, I don't have a budget yet, I asked three weeks ago, and my parents weren't able to give me one, so I don't know what I can take care of. I've been trying to work on the address list for invitations and such, but my brother and sister-in-law haven't gotten back to me on the relatives one, (btw if you want an invitation and i haven't gotten an address from you yet, let me know please. :) ). Bryan and I have done at least the majority of our registry, I don't know if we still have some stuff left, oh wait, yes we do now that I think about it, but we have the majority of it done. so that's good. *pff* just seeing all this stuff to do, makes me feel stressed about it, and I don't get married until october (yes, i know, not that long, but it sure does feel like it's FAR away). *sigh* any advice from anyone out there might be nice :) yet, it's gonna be a wedding! YAY 8dance*

preschool

I'm really depressed about this, but at the same time relieved. 
the preschool isn't going through after all. :( I was really excited to get some experience in by doing stuff on my own and such. But Seems it was too short of a notice for all the parents out there. One parent was dedicated to everything, so she'll be helping me to start preparing things for next year. I'm really sad. I miss kids a lot. 
On the othe rhand, it means a lot less stress. I have one job, but I may need to get another as I also do work for another job so I can get all the money I need to save up for stuff for the wedding. I love money, I hate having to work so hard to get it. But that's life. But at least it means I won't have to travel back and forth to SLC so much without seeing Bryan, cheesy I know, but it would drive me crazy knowing he's within driving distance but either in school or at work and not be able to see him. Oh well. At least no stress will be coming from it.